2 Month Birthday

Today is Annabelle's 2 month birthday and in a few hours will be her 2 month "angel" birthday...
It feels like ages ago that I delivered Annabelle and was able to hold her in my arms. I remember her sweet little face and the pure joy I felt when she was first laid in my arms. I remember that all my fears vanished for those few short hours, and I was able to just enjoy being her mom. I miss that so much tonight. I miss feeling her movements when I was pregnant with her and I miss being able to see her beautiful feet, hands, belly, face... I miss all of her. My body aches for her and the memories of her that will never exist. I know that she is safe, happy, and perfect but I am still her mommy and want to be able to see for myself that she is cared for. I know this is illogical and possibly even quite silly, but I can't help it. I want to see her and know that she is happy, but I suppose that's where faith and trust come to play.
I came on here thinking I was just going to write briefly about beginning a new job today and didn't realize how much this being Annabelle's 2 month birthday impacted me. I can honestly say that there isn't a moment that I don't have Annabelle in my thoughts, but I am so scared that one day I will forget, even if it's just for a moment, and I do not want that. I want her memory to stay strong and clear. I want to remember how she felt in my womb, and then in my arms, how she looked, her warmth when she was first born.... And I feel that if I let go then I won't be able to do that.
I miss you so much Annabelle. I love you with all my heart and I hope you can hear when I talk to you. I am sending you hugs and kisses on this special day. And I am sending my love.