Today...

Today started off wonderfully.  It was beautiful weather and Ron and I decided to take our kids to Prairie Fest (a local town festival).  We all had a blast!   We were able to take the kids into the petting zoo, watch a children's musician, a magician, and we even bought a couple of fun treats- ice cream and cheese fries- who could ask for more, lol.  We came home and the kids got quiet time and nap time (and I decided to lie down too).  When I woke up I was in a completely different mood.  I felt upset, lost, angry, tired, and just extremely down.  I hate the fact that my entire mood can change in an instant and that once I get upset it's extremely difficult to snap out of it.  I love being able to enjoy my time with my family and this afternoon it took everything I had just to keep from snapping at one of the kids.  They weren't doing anything wrong, I was just done.  It makes me feel awful inside.  As I mentioned before, I have also been extremely aware that my due date is quickly approaching.  In the past I was able to push aside some of these feelings,  but they won't let me go anymore.   I just want to scream to people who look at me- this is my baby inside of me and she is going to die!  I want the whole world to know, so they can know her and mourn her like I do.  I want everyone to be sad with me, because Annabelle is important enough for the whole world to take a break and shed a tear.   But I know it's not how it works and I am being selfish, but I can't help it.  As any parent knows- when having kids, you want to share everything with the world.  Usually it's a beautiful phenomenon, but not in this situation.  I just hurt inside.