Today was a hard day for me.  I feel like time is flying away from me and I cannot enjoy this last bit of time with my Annabelle.  My fluid level is quite high and at this point even walking in a store is making my legs spasm, due to lack of circulation.  I cannot sleep because my ribs ache from the pressure, and I have a difficult time eating and breathing.   I don't want to complain, but I need to let it out.  I have even been considering an earlier induction to relieve the pain.  This kills me inside.  I feel so selfish wanting the pain to stop so much that I would induce early.  I feel like I can protect her for a few more weeks and all I want is this to be over with.  I don't even know how to fully explain what I'm feeling.  I should be able to tolerate the pain and only give my Annabelle love and instead I am concentrating on just getting through the day without breaking down in pain emotionally and physically.  How do I justify ending her life earlier to stop some minor aches and pains???  I know people are telling me that it's ok, that I need to take care of myself as well, that I have done so much already.  But how do I choose my own daughter's date of death?  I am so lost and all I want is an answer to give me peace.
We have also started discussing the funeral and burial...  How do I plan a funeral for my baby?  How do I pick a coffin?  A burial site?  An outfit?  I don't know how I am going to handle putting my own baby in the ground and leaving her there.  My heart aches today and I need prayers.